So…I have my own issues that I’m trying to deal with and regulate now.
Going back on meds. Trying to get the right combination set. Going back thru therapy. On and on and on…
My wife is also on medication. She has anxiety, depression, adhd.
Since our separation, she is also on a bit of a downward spiral. Trying to figure out if she can forgive me. Trying to see if she can deal with her demons and mine at the same time.
Today she’s hitting a bottom. I’m not there to console her because I’m the reason she’s there.
I wish there was a magic pill. Electric shock. Surgery. Anything. That would just make this stop.
I hate not being able to control myself. I hate crying for no reason. I hate having so many ideas my head spins. I hate my anger. I hate wanting to hurt myself, which I’ve not done in 10 years…and most recently, I’ve been so depressed I lost my appetite so now I’m losing weight. 25 lbs in the last month. ..In the beginning I looked pretty good, now my clothes don’t fit. Everything is baggy. And now people at work are all asking me. Is everything alright? No moron, it’s not. And please don’t ask me again or I may stab you in the eye socket….
I just wish it would stop.
Two hours ago I felt better. Now I’m in tears again. Not very manly of me, so I feel even worse. What the hell…