Day Four

anxiety_depression_may_raise_stroke_riskWell….It’s hard to believe I’m here, at this point mentally in such a short time frame. Compared to where I was a few months ago, it’s night an day difference.

About two months ago I had been shocked outta my last depressive stage. My wife finally snapped an Damn dear left one day. After I had ignored her for nearly 2 years.

Because I was one of those genius people who thought they could not only stop taking meds, I thought I had bipolar beat… well that was stupid idea number 872.

Anyway, two months ago when I had it hit me. I went into the mixed cycles. Happy, laughing, horn as hell, crying, passed off, stay in my closet self.

Today is the third day I’ve been taking my new prescription called  . It’s such a game changer for me. I’m sure like everything out there, just because it works for me doesn’t mean it will work for you.

I’ve been taking it in the morning along with my adhd meds, mood stabilizers, an chewy vitamins 😉

I was told I might have an increased energy level so I shouldn’t take it at night like I did with lexapro. Well every day I take it at 7 am with everything else. By 8 am I’m flying high. Running around work, coming up with ideas like a blown out cracked head. And by 1:30 pm I’m starting to slow back down.

Today I actually hit on some visiting coworkers during my upswing. After they left i was like what the hell? Why did I act like that? I’m trying to settle down and get my wife back. Instead I’m running amuck and flirting with every short skirt within eyesight.

And thirsty as hell..

I’m hoping this part wears off a bit. While I love being up and outgoing,  I know I can’t be trusted. I know myself, I’d do something else stupid.

But…overall, I’m out of my main slump. Seems for a while this time.

If I didn’t know better, I’d wonder if this is what the normal me is?? I feel better. I really do.. one thing I’ve learned in the last few months is that when you truly learn the vast meaning behind bipolar. You begin to question your every move. Everything you say. Every time you get emotional.

And I can tell, my coworkers that have been around me and specially ones who have seen me recently. They are looking at me different. Like waiting for me to blow. Ticking time bomb stuff.

I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. Bipolar has gotten me to remain very doubtful about myself and others around me. Hell, I almost forgot to write this since I was feeling so good. I know it can’t stay like this, but I’m savoring every minute of it. Day number four is definitely one of the best days I’ve had in a while.

I’m laying down now. I’m actually tired which is amazing in itself. And I actually ate dinner. Granted it was only one package ramen noodles, it’s the most I’ve eaten in days.
Either way, I’m heading to bed before I lose this feeling. I don’t want to miss out on it, but at the same time I don’t want to revert back any. Oh well,  shit happens 🙂

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