Day Nine


Wow, almost a whole day behind. What the hell..
Ok so I’ve gotta say I’m starting to get a bit nervous. It’s all so fast, it’s can’t be right?
It’s been 9 days. New medication for a week. And I feel oddly well?
Is a relationship hold any different properties than any other item? It’s intangible, yes. But it still must follow all laws at some point.
And add in someone bipolar to this equation. It becomes tangible because we effect everything in some way, good or bad. Which turns it into something effected by things around it.
If I’m feeling this up, and I’ve effected my marriage. ..then gravity kicks in and eventually I will have to come back down.
Lol, I’m probably over thinking my situation. My wife always tells me that I over analyze everything. I think too much about things. That my mind will create good and bad things so fast that I end up creating bad events.

But I’ve gotten off topic, bipolar and ADHD is sometimes a train wreck waiting to happen. It’s so hard to get anything done, ever.
Yesterday, or today..If I had written it on time. .was my day off. I had one appointment in the morning at the chiropractor. I went to my appointment, got all the cracks, snaps, and electrical charges done and I felt great afterwards. My back and my neck are permanently damaged from exercising, sports, and years of work.
After that delightful experience, I went back to “my” house and enjoyed time with my pets. Got a few hours with them and then I had to go get my son at 1.
We wandered around at a store until it was time to go get my daughter. Then it was time for our special thing. When I pick both my kids up on Wednesday we stop at 7-11 and get slurpies and candy. it’s become a given. We go in and see what new flavors they have this time and see who is willing to try it.
I’m always the one first.
So we found our goodness and wandered home. My kids know to get as much homework done before they get home because when their finished we snuggle up on the couch an watch TV.
It’s always something different, but it’s a good time. A hour or so later my wife gets back and we all sat down an the children decided what to eat. They chose pizza.
When it was time to eat, we normally sit down like a good family does and eat at the table. But since I had moved out, they wanted more snuggle time. I don’t even remember what we watched. Sitting between my children was all that matters.
As it was nearing bedtime, they busted out chocolate cake? I said who’s birthday is it? Is there something else I’ve forgotten??
Nope they replied, your here so it’s a celebration. We all had cake, then the wife an I put the kids to bed. Now we talked. An held each other. An talked. And cried. An talked. I stayed till about 11pm. Having to still drive 35 minutes to my rented room I figured it was time for me to leave. I grabbed my stuff, said goodbye and walked out the door.
It wasn’t until I clicked my key locked that it kicked in..I was leaving my house. I was leaving my family to go where I banned myself too.
I was the longest ride I’ve ever had. I still wonder how the human body can continue to produce tears after so many nights, days, and afternoons of crying. But it always does..So I cried the whole way back again. It’s getting to be my thing. God being depressed can really be depressing. 
Got back, took all my meds. I had left half of them here so I had to double up on some things. The sleep came fast. I think having all that medication at the same time wears out your mind.
I still believe if I don’t end up killing me that everything else is bound to fail.

Lol, I lost track again…where I was going with this is about the last few days. The feeling is surreal. I’m almost tip toeing around as not to wake up the demon. Don’t poke the bear. I’m scared. When things go right for too long I always mess them up some how or some way.
Writing this I feel timid. Huddled in my bed, lights down low. Not making a sound except for the soft patters of my fingers on the screen.
I hate living like this…I hate wondering when the next break is going to come. The next outburst. Then Next Yelling fit. I guess time goes on, with or without me.
Guess I’ll save the next joyous occasion for late tonight after I’ve taken the last round of meds. Just as their kicking in good I get tired an creative.


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