Life Beginnings Part 3


From part two I was just coming out of middle school. It was a rough time. That summer I met a girl we dubbed as peppermint patty. She had a semi red tint to her hair. 🙂 and she had fair skin an lots of freckles. Easiest way to say it was she was very geeky. We had a little fun but that was it. I had also started into drugs too. Anything I could find. I was a bit surprised how many different drugs a middle school kid could get in a small town. But that summer passed.
Anger was starting to grow. Next was high school.
For high school I had moved yet again at the start of the year. Almost everyone at my school knew each other from the one middle school in the area. During the summer I had gained a bit if weight and depression was still there from the death of my last girl friend. 
I entered classes an kept quiet and stuck to the back of the room. Initially I was a bit bullied. I didn’t mind as much since I had been used to it my whole life. As time passed through my first year of school, I started to finally made some friends. Even met a girl that I liked but was too afraid to really talk to her. I was a piece of crap, why would she want to talk to me?? We became friends. Talked a little. But that was it. As the year progressed, we got closer. I still stayed in my shell. Finally at the last day of the year, I got up the nerve to ask her out. Probably only did it because I knew every year I went back to my grandparents house. To my surprise she said yes?? Then I left the next day.
This summer I had driver’s training class. Shocked I met patty again. But this summer much had changed. She lost her braces, got a nice tan, lost weight. She looked hot. We fooled around quite a bit that summer. Alcohol usage increased. I could feel the increase mentally, but had no idea what it was at that point. It was a great summer. At some point I knew I had left behind a girl I liked. But we never really went out. My mind was buzzing, do I didn’t care much. At the end of the summer an class, I had to go. I decided it was time to stop the bullies. I joined the football team. My best friend at the time was also seeing patties best friend. So we made a date to go see them before school started that year.
We drove down there with our new drivers licenses. Went out for a little bit. The it happened like it always does…patty started crying an said we had to drop her off.  She apparently had cheated on her boyfriend with me and couldn’t see me anymore. I really liked her. I could see myself being with her for a little while longer. And again, I was crushed.
Started drinking even more after that event. But it was football time. I worked out as much as my body could take. I got strong. And started getting more and more aggressive. By the end of the second year I had gone from a mouse to cocky.
Nobody was pushing me around. I was the strong kid who nobody really knew. Some of the times during that year are still a little blurry. My mind was racing a mile a minute. Going fast forward to my senior year, I had become sort of an ass. The girl I met a few years earlier was still with me. I’m not sure why.. I started becoming the bully I hated all my life. I pushed around smaller kids. Partying like a rock star! Lol…
And boy did I party. I was an athlete. I played football, lifted weights 3 hrs a day, and ran track. Nothing was holding me back. And I made sure everyone knew it. Example, seniors on varsity starting position wore yellow jerseys during practice. Yea, I wore yellow. But I put a fire red one over the top. Everyone saw me coming. I loved football. It was the only place I could get my anger out and hit people as hard as I could and it not only be ok but I was rewarded. What a great idea…
Going to parties I had two sides to choose from. I was friends with the athletes, and the riff raff. Lol I guess that’s the best name to call them. With the athletes, calmer parties. Lots of beer. But at the other it was loud, rowdy, drugs, sex, police. And me…I went to those more often. That’s where my girlfriend an I started going our ways. She couldn’t handle me. Saw me tearing myself apart. And she didn’t want to go down with me.
So… like every other time, I pushed away the girl who had been nothing but kind to me. She loved me. She tried to help me. She pushed me to AA meetings because she thought that  Looking back now, I can obviously see why everything happened. But I pushed an pushed until I pushed her all the way gone. She must be stubborn, because to this day she is still one of my best friends. She’s listened to me cry, yell, everything.
Thinking back now about my time in high school, she is my one regret from that time. Not that we broke up. But that I don’t feel like I treated her fairly. I’m such a piece of shit. Another reason I will always hate me.
But this ends this portion of my life. Next stop, graduation and the afterlife.
(To be continued)


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