Day Fifteen

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Day Fifteen. ..
I can say this trip for work has been a good thing. I’m doing a lot of physical labor. Working my muscles to their max. I’m releasing a lot of my anger. My stress.
Every time I start to slow, I push myself harder. I’ve got lots of bruises and cuts. The cuts look nice. People look at me an say OMG are you ok???
I have to say yes, but the reason is the cuts feel good. That release. It’s so hard not to do them myself. I got a decent cut last night on my arm. I caught myself staring at it. Watching the blood drip down my arm. It was a beautiful thing. I know I shouldn’t say that. If I’m truly trying to get past all this, I should be taking more precautions. But….it’s just so nice at the same time.
One of my best friends told me today that I should be good here. That if I truly want to be back with my wife an family, I can’t have those one night stands that I’m accustomed to having.
Well the jury is still out on that topic. I’m also fighting two different things. I think I’m in a light manic state right now. Things seem to be going good. My sex drive is raising by the hour it seems. I’m nearly bouncing off the walls.
But I also have a very high testosterone levels. My hair an nails grow stupid quick. Even when I’m depressed I’m still horny.
So. …I can’t guarantee what’s going to happen yet. The girls invited me drinking tonight. Lol. .. maybe it will be a free for all.
Oh well, this cycle only lasts for a little while, might an enjoy it while I can right?

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2 responses to “Day Fifteen

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