Day Eighteen and Nineteen


Another joined post. Working a night shift is starting to mess with my head. Even more so than without all my other issues. I feel more confused than normal. I listen to hard metal an still find points where tears are brought to my eyes.
Days turn into nights. Nights into days. I can barely tell what day it is anymore. Going into work at dark, then getting out an eating breakfast. I’m beginning to wonder if this is making everything even worse.
It’s even harder now. My pheromones have started to change on me. I swear I have an aura around me that says “I’m ready for sex, just ask”. It’s not just my feelings anymore, it’s started to spread around me.
This is making things even harder to stay focused. I took this time away from my wife to regain my self composure. Regain control of my life so that I may return to my family. But my emotions are fighting against me. If i didn’t hate myself so much I’d say I look pretty good right now. Fairly tone an decent shape for my age. Except for all the cuts an bruises. I look like I’ve been in a fight. My arms and legs are spotted shades an hues of purple.
I’m pushing myself so far past my limits I’m surprised I still wake up in the morning. I guess that’s how I’m staying in shape. I don’t exercise, but I eat good. Had a great dinner tonight at Sweet Tomatoes. Vegetarian, fresh salads an soups. Baked breads and fruity deserts. I eat two plates worth an can still feel fresh an ready to go.
I walk around work at night and feel angry. Hating me. How do I, in one side feel so much pain and anger…then on the other side exude so much sexuality? I feel like an emotional hodge podge.
Well, time to figure out what to do with myself for the night. I attempted to find alcohol but sadly they close early on Sundays.


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