Day Twenty One

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Ughhh, working nights is going to kill me. It’s messing with my mentality, chemical balance, sleep patterns.
What the hell.
So new development in my hypersexuality. It seems as though I may have pushed an tried to much on both girls I was chasing. Got close to one of them, seems like it was going well. Then she left for the weekend. I started talking to another one because I wasn’t sure if the first was coming back. Things with the second started going better. Then the first one decided to come back.
What crap!!
The first one saw me talking, having breakfast, and sitting with the second. She’s not to thrilled with things and won’t return any of my messages anymore.
My random and destructive nature always messes up shit. I can’t seem to win with any female. I guess I shouldn’t be looking around anyways since I’m trying to reconcile things with my wife. That goes back to my vile nature.
Last night I worked till 3:30 am and had to be back to work at 10:00 am this morning. My mind just wouldn’t stop, probably got around 2-3 hours of sleep. Then this morning I took my ADHD medicine and I was hop hopping around again. 
Then tonight I need to work until 8:00 pm or so to make up for my time I have to lose out on now because I have to leave early. Which means I’m not going to get any real chances to engage in any extra curricular activities. Again, probably fate taking my choices away from me. I can’t ever make the right decisions on my own.
Shit just keeps on coming…..
I got served with paperwork yesterday that I now have to be in court for a deposition tomorrow at 1:00 pm. You have to love the government and the judicial system.
Oh hell, I can’t work too late here. I promised my son that we could do a video chat when I was done.
Gahhhh, I just can’t ever win. I guess it could be worse. I’m not as depressed as I was before. Or I might still be buy just don’t have the time for it?
That kind of scares me. I’ve been working so hard, I didn’t think about all my normal crappy life stuff. So does that mean when I return to work it is going to be flooding back all at once?
Oh well, i guess i have to deal with it at some point right?? My so called healing hasn’t happened yet. I still can’t hear a lot of songs without either crying or reminding me I’m a piece of shit.

Bahh, I can’t give up. I don’t want to give up. I’m not sure how much more fight I have left in me.

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