Day Twenty Three

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As day twenty three rolls it’s nasty head over to bed I figured I’d share my newest feelings of the day. The week has just gone so well here in hell. I’m staying in south Florida, so it’s termed he’ll since it’s always above 80° f.
Currently it’s past 9 pm so it dropped down to 75. Thanks:\
Worked thirteen hours today. I thought I was going to fall over towards the end of it. I think at some point I told a few of the slower employees to fuck off. My patience has definitely worn thin. Between all my current shitty days and my daily mood swings, I’m spent.
Just going to work itself has been a challenge. I’m not looking forward to next week when I’m back to my normal place.
And I’ll be reminded of how great my marriage is going….. I’m fairly positive I’ll have a break down or two next week. I’m barely keeping it together here now. The only reason is I just don’t have time. I’m undecided in If this has been a good thing for me or not. Not coping with my problems is usually a cause of bigger problems later.
Talked to my best friend today. She really is my best friend. Through thick an thin, she’s always been there. I call an complain, then she calls an complains. It’s great. She’s been my voice on the other end of the phone when I’m crying. Which I’ve done a lot lately. I assume she can hear me crying. She’s got a few mental issues if her own. I still say, only crazy people really understand each other best. I think I’ve been talking to her a little too much though, her husband isn’t too thrilled with our relationship. He knows about our childhood relationship. But that was twenty years ago. I do still love her, she was my first of many things. I’m sure I always will. Some things you just will always have in life. I think her husband is concerned that I’m trying to steal her away. I’ve not even physically seen her in over twenty years. For all I know she could be fat an bald. Lol
I’m not looking for another relationship right now. If my marriage does end, I don’t ever plan on getting married again. I doubt I will ever have another serous relationship again. I can’t take hurting anyone again. If u end up divorced, is going to be flings until I’m dead. Or until girls don’t want me anymore. Hell why wouldn’t they, who can turn down a guy with bipolar, anger issues, and ADHD? Lol who am I kidding, I can’t get a hook up here and I’m in decent shape. My friend and I joked a few weeks ago, if at 80 were single that were going to get back together. Like I’m going to live until I’m 80. Hahaha.
Another night of not eating. My appetite is just gone. I’ve lost more weight down here. I had to go down to another hole in my belt. None of my pants or shorts fit anymore. It’s fairly uncomfortable wearing pants when there is three inches of fabric all bunched together. I’m glad I don’t have a scale. I’m not sure if I would be happy with what it says. Although at the same time, I still feel fat and bloated? Is that possible?
Time for a shower. A smelly guy is worse than a clean depressed guy. What’s even worse is a depressed smelly guy.
I’m kind of glad my coworkers and I worked so hard today. I think a little while ago I invited cute girl number two over for a shower together. She laughed an said she was tired too an had to turn me down. I’m not a good person, I’m sure I would have damaged her in some way if she got closer to me. At this point, I don’t think I would handle it well if I hurt anyone else right now. Dull knife or not, I would be causing myself damage.
Good night from the local inappropriate guy.

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