The time of counting down has ended. I need to start on moving myself forward, but I’m holding me back.
I can’t stop.
I spent the day yesterday with my puppies. It was my female’s birthday, 5 years old.
I gave them a haircut. Took them for a walk. Spent a few hours with them.
Then had to go back to my rental….
Leaving my family kills me. Makes me not want to be. Every time I step out the front door and lock it behind me brings tears to my eyes.
The only good thing I have right now, I stopped crying myself to sleep every night. Now is every other night or so.
So, I’m back from my out of town trip. I can’t say now that it was a good trip. Originally I thought it was, getting away I shouldn’t have thought of anything. Well if you read anything I posted, you know that didn’t happen. As a matter of fact, I think I had more issues down there. I went a bit sexually nuts. Hormones raged out of control. Got super depressed. So is that a good thing? I had girls chasing me and I nearly did something I would have made me hate myself even more for afterwards.
Now that I’m home, the hypersexuality is gone. But it’s been replaced by anger and rage.
So now I’m depressed and pissed off. Not sure which is a worse combination?? Last night on my way out of work there was a bunch of traffic. Few people driving slow as hell. I swear if we would have had to stop at a light I would have punched through their Window and stabbed them. Super mega road rage!!!
So. I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to do now. How do I get to that normal place. The middle of the road mentally that I haven’t had in who knows how long??
Does anyone have any advice? Only thing that sounds good now is sleeping. My ambition is near zero. I just don’t know what to do. Someone please help 😥