Odd Feeling

So today has been an interesting one so far. 1vcmseaxkod1jd36dyko0g4ai.600x400x1
So yea, I’ve not posted in the last few days. It’s been weird here. Few days ago I was driving along an a car was coming fast toward the drivers side of my car. They intended on running the red light.
As it neared me, probably 50′ or so…I found myself slow my car. I think most people would have sped up to avoid the collision. But I took my foot off the accelerator an just watched them.
Obviously they swerved an missed or I wouldn’t be writing this.
It’s as I’ve said before about feelings. At all times I expect the worst to happen. Dying doesn’t seem to matter right now.
My new medication seems to be working. I’m not as depressed. It got raised again. So I’m waiting for the break. The usual insanity that follows my weekly normal.
It’s like an expectation. So I’m nervous. Anxious. It’s bound to happen at some point so I’m preparing for it. Is it possible I could provoke it into happening by just thinking it will? That mental sickness that we can cause ourselves.
In not sure what to do. As I’m writing this i’m waiting to have tears in my eyes. I had dinner and drinks last night with friends I haven’t seen in months. Then drove past my house to get to my rental. When I got there I expected the tears to come. But again they didn’t.
Am I that mentally and emotionally damaged that I can’t have any good feelings anymore without putting a bad outcome in it?


2 responses to “Odd Feeling

  1. I struggle with a lot of anxiety, have my whole life. One of my biggest issues is fearing the worst. Someone dying, some horrible accident, it all plays out in my head. A lot of times it strikes at predictable times, like for me it almost always happens every night before bed. I think writing about it helps. Maybe just plan on writing if and when it hits.

    Liked by 1 person

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