Is there true beauty to see anymore?

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I’ve been taking my new prescription for over a month now. I can say my mind is changing. I feel like it’s doing things that I’ve not done before.
I can go into work and laugh. I can go out and laugh. I can watch a funny movie an laugh.
But the whole time internally I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt. The new meds seem to be rebuilding my wall of pretending. I can go into public and people don’t look at me like they used too.
But I know it’s there. It’s always there.
So, the question at hand…. Do I pretend to be “ok” again and continue on with my life? When I pretend long enough, I forget I have that demon inside and that’s when I start going downhill. I allow it to come past where there’s no coming back.
Or, will taking medication again help me when I forget? Even when I forget, I still feel the demon. But I forget why is there.
I’m lost, I don’t know where to go from here.
I hate being me

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