It’s On Its Way Back


Well I’m not there yet, but I feel it coming. I think I should start to document the days or dates that I’m having a harder time.
Now, I’m not sure if it’s possible or not so don’t take this wrong. From what I understand, women in close proximity or the same household can have their monthly cycles start to match up. I read this to be true.
The thing I am wondering, men have hormones as well and they change up and down, etc. So is it a safe assumption that living with wife an daughter could effect my issues as well?
Reason I say this, over time I could tell when my wife was getting close because I just didn’t feel right. Which at that point I also had forgotten completely about having bipolar too.
Either way…I’m going through a change again. If what I said is possible, I’m wondering how many other couples with a bipolar member has noticed anything?
Thinking back to the time when I between marriages, I don’t recall anything happening on any set times. But I have been paying attention a lot more now as well.
I can honestly say that there is a definite change in my mentality at given points of the month. It may change monthly or every few months. But it happens.
Of course, I also am the beautiful bipolar who cycles a lot. Sometimes daily, weekly, etc. It’s not fun at all.
With that being said, I cut myself twice in the last week. It’s been a very long time since I gave in to it. Nothing like before, but enough to have questions raised. I can only say I was moving furniture or yard work so long. Buddy asked me today what had happened, told him I moved furniture yesterday an he just gave me that look. Everyone knows the look, like sure that’s what happened but they don’t want to ask.
It’s an odd thing too. I got raised last week on my medication an i’m feeling mentally better.
So why did I get to that point?
How did I end up there?
I guess this is all a learning experience for me. Learning how to really control myself correctly. Knowing or at least recognizing when something is changing or about to change.
I have a calendar that I write my schedule on, maybe I’ll start using that to document when things happen. Usually I tear the pages off. I’m interested now to see if I can tell any patterns.
I’m not a genius by any means, but I have a higher than normal intelligence level. My skill set is patterns. I can match up things that usually take most people longer. Those games where you had to move blocks out of a square. Number sequences. Etc.
Hmmmm, interesting things. My mind also never stops. It’s always working. That’s why I take sleeping pills. Otherwise I’m nonstop all night.
Well, that’s my input for today. Take care all


2 responses to “It’s On Its Way Back

  1. Interesting thoughts. You’ve got me thinking now. My husband and I have been fighting a lot this week. Should be starting my cycle soon. I have nothing to go by because having babies and breastfeeding make things irregular. But I’ve been super depressed, too. I am so unstable sometimes, it drives me nuts. Sorry you cut this week. As far as being smart, I think it’s pretty true that people with mental health issues also have brilliant minds.


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