When does it end?


A problem is like a demon. A disease. It can infect you so ravenously that your overcome and become dangerous to be around.
a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.
When you see a problem, how do you attempt to fix it?
Do you ignore it and hope it goes away silently into the night?
Do you try and run away hoping it doesn’t follow you or catch up?
Or do you recognize it for the demon it’s become and make it go away permanently?

See, I’m beginning to understand things now. Possibly through a haze of meditation and alcohol. Yea I have a new friend. Talks to me better an clearer than most people do.


I understand I am the Problem.
I am the demon.
I am the disease.

Who will be my next victim?
I am the cause.
I am the effect.

So demons are to be slain. Says it in the bible if you follow that. Theoretically, I need to be slain.
I need someone who can help me with this exorcism since I also fail at that. To extract the demon who I’ve hosted for my whole life. Whether I make it out alive or not.
I’m just plain done. 


I hate being me


6 responses to “When does it end?

  1. Get off the booze! Seriously. Short term (As in a few hours) = amazing Anything after that = Horrendous!

    Saying things like “I am the problem” and “I need to be slain” are simply evidence of the mental illness. You do realise that don’t you? These things are the best evidence that something isn’t working quite right and that it needs to be helped. Medicine and therapy are what you need, not an exorcism or slaying.

    You sound completely overwhelmed – get close to someone who can support you. Any of us can talk to you if you have skype – Don’t segregate yourself and give depression all the breathing room it needs.


    Get well!



    • stars

      Im not sure what your talking about, im not crazy or have a mental illness.
      All seriousness aside, I am a bit overwhelmed. I had hoped and prayed that things would be different over the years, but they havent.
      the alcohol doesnt help. But as you said, for just a little bit it does make bearable.


      • Also if you read closely, I was speaking figuratively an Theoretically. The illness needs to be exorcised. The illness needs to be eradicated. Which I know it can’t just go away.
        The mental ramblings of a slightly insane individual.


  2. Pingback: For what it’s worth | Random Fool in Thought·

  3. I just recognise the situation is all, and I wanted to try and give you the perspective that my friends gave me last time. If not for them I don’t know where I’d be. These kinds of thoughts aren’t entirely of our own making.

    If within a day or two by some freak chance you felt better you would probably look back on this and see how it looks. I kept a physical journal and in my last episode where I was completely overwhelmed I wrote things that I don’t identify with at all now. I look back at the pages and just shudder to think where I’d be if I hadn’t been approached by a friend and if I hadn’t let them support me.

    This is the difficulty with mental illness. We have to talk about it in metaphor and allegory. If I misread your original post and things aren’t that bad yet then I apologise 🙂

    All the best,

    Liked by 1 person

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