So today I had another appointment with my new psychologist. The one who practices rational-emotive-behavior-therapy.
We had the normal commentary at first, then on to my dilemma. I was dying to hear what his thoughts on it was….
“You look as though you have something on your mind?”
Lol, um bipolar here?? Hahhahsa
So I explained about the moving back question. And he appeared very interested in My thoughts.
I explained how I was scared of regressing back to where I was in January. Where I was the past few years. About all of the guilt and remorse I had. And about my regrets with my children.
Like a great attorney, he took up his opposing arguments.
REBT is about logically dealing with issues. So he wanted proof to substantiate my doubts an fears.
1. Regression to past behavior.
Logically I’m not in the same place I was in January. My medication is starting to stabilize. I’m doing yoga to calm my mind. I’m dealing with issues not like I was before. –as long as the current points stay true, and I stay on task then there is nothing to prove I will go back to my old habits.
2. Guilt and remorseful feelings about how I ignored my wife, didn’t listen, didn’t seek help. Etc.
Yes, those things are real. You cannot deny those feelings. But…If my wife didn’t want to be around me, wanted a divorce, nothing to do with me. Would financial help even matter? If those points were true to her feelings, would she even be considering having me move back in?
–No. True feelings are just that. If what I feel were true, then I would not be asked back into the house let alone move in.
3. Why would she even want me back in the house if she doesn’t want ME back?
Look at it as though she’s a bank. You bounced checks, over drafted your account, late payments, etc. So why would the bank immediately want to extend you credit right away? in the past few months you have been rebuilding your credit history. Every time you go over there is like a deposit. So in the last few months, you have started a good base. So now your building interest and a credit line. First it started off with hanging out a few hours with the kids. Then it progressed to dinner with the kids and wife. Then later it’s now where I’m staying the night a few times a week. And lastly now she’s asking for you to move back into the house.
–a person who has been scorned has doubts. Doubts about the validity of what your saying is truthful and accurate. Your proof is there that you’ve shown marked improvements. Improvements enough to have her want me back in the house on a daily basis.
4. I’ve wronged my children with my anger, depression, swings.
Almost always children will have that unconditional love. Those who do not, could care less what you have done or will do because they simply don’t care about you. Your son, who is about to go into middle school is at that age where he stops showing affection in public. Doesn’t want parents around. The usual stuff. But your son invited you to a few lunch dates with him in the main courtyard of the school for everyone to see and then hugged you when you left.
–proof again that while you may have had off days. Had angry days. Etc…they still love you. Love you even more than you know because the things he’s doing not many kids his age do.
He countered every point I made with a provable statement that my internal thoughts were incorrect about.
He sees this as the best way to test my inner strength. Yes, I’m doing better than before. But I will never know if I’m going to be able to handle myself in any length of time without trying.
Life isn’t worth living if you hide from it.
So, tomorrow I will go over there an talk about the details of how coming back would work out. Both of our expectations. Financially and personally.
I’m still a bit edgy but that session just plain made sense. I’m too logical for it not too. I couldn’t disprove anything he said. And i couldn’t prove any feelings I had either.
What an amazing experience.