So, I’m experiencing something I didn’t quite expect. I’m home, my home, till Sunday. I kinda expected that feeling you get when your on a trip somewhere and get home again.
But I just feel off. It’s nothing I did. It’s nothing my wife did. I just feel off? I’m sure how else to explain it.
My only thought is the lack of feelings I’ve been experiencing. Which may be a good idea right now.
If I’m going to pull off moving back in, then I really think I will need to lower my emotions. Sounds more rational than my previous wreck of a self.
As I laid down in the spare bedroom last night I starred at the ceiling. Wondering in my mind if this was something I would be able to handle. Not just coming back and it not being as a couple. But just coming back an being here full time at all.
My doctor said it will be my best test. It will be. Until I know that I can be in a previously stressful an emotionally over the top environment, I won’t know if I can handle myself moving forward.
But on the other hand, say I cant. Say I move back and 2 weeks later I realize I can’t be here. I’m not sure if I can again, pack all my shit and move back out again. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The only reason I didn’t completely lose it is that shortly afterwards I went away for 2 weeks an didn’t have time to fully think about it.
Well….my other best friend said that she believed if there was ever a chance to fix what was broken in my marriage, then this will be it. My doctor also made a good point, if she’s not asking for a divorce yet then hope is not lost yet. And if nothing else, I will get all of the extra time with my kids.
I miss my kids. I swear, they seem to be changing so much in these last few months. Guess that’s what separation does to a kid. Forces you to grow up just a bit faster.
So…i guess when we get a chance to sit down an talk about the details of it, I’ll take the offer and move back in.
It’s an odd thought that moving back in could help me move forward?
I guess only time will tell.