The Great Pretender


So, I’ve been living with some sort of mental issues for as long as I can remember. An that’s a fairly long time.
I’ve gotten good at putting on the face. Not many people know I have issues around me.

Few of my friends.
Couple co-workers.

I had to tell a few people at work because I had some pretty bad episodes there an had to let someone know why I was losing it and had to go home. They were good about it. Didn’t understand, but all the same. They haven’t looked down on me for it.

I don’t have much to be proud of in myself, but when the time comes for me to bring someone else into my circle of trust. It’s always funny the initial reaction. Usually they never have a clue. So it means I’ve done at least something right.

So now my buddy that i went out with last night calls me today. He’s reached his wits end with his girlfriend who has issues. From our talk last night, he asked me if I would talk to his girlfriend.

At first thought, I was like…who the fuck am I to be telling someone how to live the good life. Wasn’t it just 2 days ago I carved my nickname in my leg with a razor?

I didn’t tell him about my hidden habits, haven’t told many at all about those things.

But in an effort to give back something to someone, I agreed. Not sure when it’s going to happen, he’s talking to her tonight about it. I let him know some things in attempting to talk to her.
First an foremost, I told him not to push or pressure her. The last thing I’ve ever wanted in my times of woe is someone trying to tell me what to do. Usually I fought back.

I also told him to not expect my help to make anything better for her. Mental issues are up to the individual. If she isn’t ready for help, then she’s not going to accept it.

I honestly think he wants me to talk to her for a few reasons. I think he honestly likes her an wants the best for her. But I also think he just doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t fully understand it. And hopes that hearing what we talk about may shed some light for him too.

For me, I think I may gain more perspective on myself too. Being here, talking to everyone, people talking to me. It’s been so comforting. I know that no amount of outside help will make the bad man go away permanently, but if even for a moment I can feel a little bit better then I’m all for it.


One response to “The Great Pretender

  1. It’s interesting in sharing with others how we find that our experiences as not unique to us. Our fellow mental heath peers having gone through it to.
    I never realized how screwed up I was. That did not really occur to me until everything came crashing down back in December 2012.
    It’s curious too that we are good are helping others but not so good at helping ourselves.
    Good luck with it all.
    cheers, Glenn


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