So I’m still exercising just about every day. Seems those are the only times I’m feeling good. Not sure how I could inject more pheromones on a more long term span as the euphoric feeling only lasts a short period of time.
Then depending on how I was before, it seems to down further at times. Guess it’s just my rapid cycling again kicking in. I wish that would slow, it’s getting mentally exhausting.
Right now I’m fine. Hours later I could be crying again. Fucking bullshit I say.
As I was exercising last night, I was doing an ab routine. With my legs raised, my shorts fell down an my recent cutting showed very plainly. I’m not resorting to exercise in my room. I don’t want to chance my family seeing them.
I’m not ashamed of them. I know why I did it. But at the same time, if my wife were to see them I’m not sure how she would react.
Things here have definitely been different since I moved back. She has pulled back from me. Our prior friendship seems faltering. I’m not sure if she thinks if we were as close friends as before that I would push for more since I’m staying here now? So in turn, she’s backed off quite a bit.
We barely talk anymore. She hasn’t come within 3 feet of me in quite a while. It’s very depressing itself.
While i would love to be working on what’s left of our relationship, I also just want my friend back. She was my best friend. To now also have lost or losing that is testing my mental strength to its limits. And I’m not sure if I can keep on the right side of it.
I’m beginning to get concerned about myself. I’ve wanted to be honest with her, but i dont feel like I can. I’m scared that if I am, she will either pull further away or push me out of the house again.
I still hate being me