Limited happiness


One thing I seem to have learned being bipolar, there is always an end.

There is no limitless supply of happiness.

Happiness doesn’t flow like rivers.

It has its ending.

Yesterday I think I used up my happy rations for the week. Possibly for the month.

I was just too happy. I ran out of my happy gas and I’m sputtering to the side if the road awaiting a tow truck.

I wish life was like a fairy tale. One where it has the happy ending.

One where lovers walk off into the sunset along the beach holding hands as the credits roll.

One where your coloring in your favorite book and make beautiful pictures come to life. A life of endless fields of yellow an purple flowers as far as the eye can see.

One where a boy loves a girl and the girl loves the boy. They both go off dancing in the rain.

But sadly life is not a fairy tale.

My tale has the boy crying in the rain.

You just start to draw only to find your crayons are all broken in half.

The boy walks off into the sunset alone.


3 responses to “Limited happiness

  1. Beautifully and poignantly written. I really liked this piece, I related to it….and after reading it I wondered if you’ve seen one of my favorite movies called “What Dreams May Come”? If you haven’t, I think that you would like it. And I won’t tell you what happens in the end!


    • Thank you. And Wow! That is my favorite movie of all time. I cry every time I see it, which has been in the higher double digits.
      My name is Chris too, so I feel even closer to the character.


      • WOW! Okay, that is super-cool. I’d say it’s one of my absolutely favorite movies ever.
        What is weird is that the first time I saw it I totally wasn’t into it (despite LOVING “Somewhere In Time” written by the same author, I believe) and that was before I had been dx’d with bipolar. To top it off, I was in a miserable relationship with a person who also had bipolar but hadn’t been diagnosed yet. Who knows what was going on there!
        But the second, and third, and fourth etc. times I saw it, I cried my ass off. (I had been suicidal after the first time I saw it, so of course that was part of why it affected me so deeply.) By the second viewing I had lost my beloved father, and I was more into life-after-death topics than ever before.
        Thank you for responding – I really like the name “Chris” even better than before. 🙂 Take good care!


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