Life is about perception. Everyone perceives things differently.
I chose this image from my favorite movie. What dreams may come.
For those who have not seen it, I’ll just recommend that you do.
On my mixed manic days, when I sit back and watch the world this is how it looks sometimes in my head. This is how I currently feel.
Very mixed
The world is full of flowing colors. A world where on the outside its perfect. Just don’t touch it.
Don’t poke the bear.
When its touched is when things start to break. Things that once seemed strong as iron, become as brittle as glass.
When I was younger we had a very bad ice storm. I don’t remember why, but I was staying at my uncles house.
The morning after the storm was absolutely beautiful. His neighborhood has lots of trees. Everything was covered in an inch of ice. It looked like a perfect ice sculpture. I picked up branches an I instantly had an ice sword. 😉
That lasted all day. The sun was out and it was reflecting off the ice. Nearly too bright to see.
The next day though, things were different. The sword I had was weak. I picked it up and the wood an ice shattered.
Everything once beautiful was now just a sloppy puddle.
Im currently in that puddle. Swishing my feet around, looking for the things I lost. But they are nowhere to be found.
Maybe my mind has fallen into that same puddle?
I did play in puddles the other day. Nearly fell a few times.
My glorious water filled yard is now just a soggy mess. My flower creation sank into the ground and is barely recognizable as anything other than a hole.
My coworkers have commented to me lately that I am looking better. That the weight I had lost is stabilizing. That I appear happy.
I went shopping before the rain storm. Walking through the store I got flirted with 3 times? Have I gotten so good at the pretend me that I’m able to fool everyone?
But it’s all false.
I’ve touched the flowers. Its vibrant colors are smearing on my hands. My pretend world has come crashing into reality.
Like all dreams, and end does come.
A Ruined Life 
Another amazing post….hope you feel much better soon! Love the last four lines in particular – you know why!
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loved the book – what dreams may come. also love your blog.
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Screwed up perception is a biatch! It affects the way we interact with the world. Fortunately mine has been greatly corrected with seroquel. No more delusions thanks to antipsychotics.
I think alot of people with mental illness talk of the mask we wear that makes us seem more, for want of a better word, normal to others.
Or maybe people just don’t see what is there, staring them in the face?
Or maybe they are simply being polite?
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