Post drunken disorder

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Well, I made it home.
Sans car lol
Most if last night was a bit blurry. A fury of drinks an shots. Guess that’s to be expected on a birthday outing.

Post alcohol depression. Bahh

I love drinking. Makes everything at that moment not as bad.
But afterwards I swing so far back down.

I wasn’t sure how last night was gonna go.
My dinner went great. We had great conversation. Laughing, real laughing. That’s been a while since I experienced that.
She was great. It was an odd thing though. Being there with her. I’ve never been out with just her before. She was my wife’s best friend for 20 years. I’ve known her now for 10.
She was engaged an was to be married this fall. But broke it off a few months ago. So now she’s alone too.
When it was time for me to continue my night, we held each other an had a very brief kiss.
I don’t want a relationship. Not with her or anyone anytime soon. Definitely won’t ever get married again.
But how do you switch from friend to sexual partner and still remain friends? Sex can be just that. I know that and I’ve done it dozens of times.
But I’ve never been able to have sex with someone that I was friends with n been able to not see them in that manner again.
I’m definitely attracted to her. But we are just starting to talk again. To have a new kind of friendship. A friendship of our own.
I don’t know that I’m willing to lose that too.
I’ve lost so much already….

I need people in my life I can talk to. I need friends. I’ve been such a bad person over the years.
Years ago in my past life I wouldn’t have given it a second thought an we would have been horizontal somewhere. And if we never talked again, it wouldn’t have mattered.

But im not that person anymore. I’ve come to realize the relationships I’ve destroyed.

I can’t do it again…

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4 responses to “Post drunken disorder

  1. I can relate to what you say. The friendships that could have been but they were destroyed before they began by my then obsession with sex and inability to form friendships.
    Glad you at least had a good fun time.
    I am working to rebuild friendships of the past, where I can, and to build new ones. And to make ones with those who have also experienced mental illness as they can provide a support that is absent in others; the shared or similar experiences.
    Scarily, one of my nephews also has problems going from “friend” to something more and then maintaining the friendship elements. I hope he is not venturing down the same path of my past. That is not something I would wish on anyone.
    Good luck to you….and me.

    Like

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