Third Start


Ok, guess I’ll continue…

Where the hell was I?

I moved out again…the new living arrangements are working out fairly well. It was hard to grasp the fact that I’ve been forced out of my house a second time, this one not of my choosing.

October was a bit of a blur. Confusing as fuck. My move went so quickly that I was in an settled in a week. I have to admit, cut myself a few times in October just for that little bit of relief. Guess for me it’s like a pressure cooker. The minute the skin is open, the release comes. The pot looses it’s power.
You would think someone of my age and intelligence would know not to behave in such a way. But the irrational side of me says, either I do this or something else worse happens…
Ehhh, it happened and I got over it.

Now it’s coming into the holidays. Oh what great fun.

Yea, just one year ago my marriage came crashing to an abrupt end. The week of Thanksgiving was upon us.

Now this whole time I was still seeing the same girl. The former friend, friend of my wife, etc. Things were tense the entire time. I just plain didn’t know what I wanted. With anything.
Relationships, marriage, etc.
Thing we’re progressing forward with the new girl, let’s give her a name so I don’t keep calling her girl….Jessica? Works for me…lol (sorry I’m a bit drunk and high)
So as the week of Thanksgiving approached the questions started to be asked. I knew her parents. They semi liked me. But it was never in THIS fashion before. And the history of us skewed everything.
So my roommate asked if I wanted to go to her parents house for the day. To me, that was perfect. I didn’t have to be me. I easily hid everything as I’ve always done.

But jessica wanted/invited me to be with her. At her house or her parents house. I definitely wasn’t ready to see her parents again yet. My sorted past was still too fresh in everyone’s mind. So I declined.

Not really wanting to do anything. At the point all this was going on, it had been ONE year since my separation.

I didn’t want to talk to anyone about much of everything.
November will probably always be a bad point now in my life. May end up turning good at some point.
It’s truly made me realize what I’ve been doing my entire life and take that all in.

This November I spent thinking about how the last year went. Seeing if I had any black points in time where I had lost. Sadly to say I remember them all. All the bad. Some not so bad, nearly good. But the bad definitely outweighed the good.

My new roommate, who is a girl who I’m not sleeping with. Just renting. Yea, there’s always a first in your life right. Lol

Anyway, she kinda forced me to go with her to her parents house. It ended up being a really nice night. I didn’t know anyone there, so they didn’t have any judgements of me. I think her parents wanted to meet me to make sure their daughter didn’t rent to an axe murderer.

We had great food, so much holy shit. Drank beer and watched football. Kinda like going to a band new sports bar by yourself. I think this was the best things that I could have done, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

I’ll catch up more later. This shit is getting too long. Lol


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