Coming back…

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So, I’ve realized it’s been forever since I wrote anything. This has been my outlet for a while now and I had completely forgotten about it. Well, kinda…I would read up on blogs I follow only to have the desire to write get lost in the clutter that is my life.

I’ve had some really good days, and some not so good.

I’m still here, still surviving, still on the right side of the dirt.

I’ve made it past all the hassle of my divorce and house sale. I’ve enrolled back in college to finish up my BS.

Still haven’t found work yet. I think my last job scared me so much I’m nervous to get into another one I will end up hating. Even if it’s only temporary.

My fiancee is going through a rough time now. She also suffers from depression. Not bipolar like me, but still deep enough that it’s effecting everything in our lives.

I want to help her, but I’m not in a position to do it. I’m not working yet, so I can’t just take everything on and hope for the best. I don’t do struggle well. It usually pushes me over the edge.

Myself, I don’t know what I want to do. I just stare at the employment section at jobs. Nothing looks appealing. All I see is corporate America and I cringe. How to get the most possible work out of your employees with the least possible pay. Gotta love the American dream…

I’m confused and struggling. I’m doing well in my classes, that’s never been an issue.
But in my actual life, I’m lost. I feel no direction. Like I’m just going through the motions on a daily basis.

Only thing I do know is I’m in love with her. Other than that simple fact, I’m clueless.

There has to be an easier way. Life is a challenge, but does it have to fight back at every chance it gets??

All I want in life is to be happy. I don’t need to be rich or drive a fancy car. Just smiles and love.

Is that too much to ask for?

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