Hurdles of life

The last 3 years have been such a struggle. Friends and family are the reasons I’m still here. 

To guess, I’ve moved 7 times. I hate moving so much. I did it my whole childhood and seems I’m repeating some of my history in my adult life. 

I got divorced and lost a family with 2 dear children that I love with all my heart. I haven’t seen them in a long time. 

I got engaged and started life with a new family and little girl who I grew to love. Now that’s ending in 2 weeks. I hope to still be able to see her at some point, but I have to get some strength back first. 

I can feel growth inside. But I can also feel the overwhelming sense of loss again. I’m just so tired from crying. Tomorrow is my birthday and just want to hide.

Moving will hopefully give me a renewed sense of me. It will be hard, but I’m moving in with a friend who’s become the sister I’ve never had. She’s been awesome through all of this. I’m so thankful for her. 

OK well, I did a little work today. I think I’m going to try and sleep some of this away. 

Maybe I’ll write again later  who knows. This feels good again. 

I do know one thing I’ve not done and I’m promising myself to do it differently now. I don’t write much when im in those brief happy moments. They do occur, I just don’t write about them. Maybe because if I write it, it becomes fact and I fear of jinxing it? 

I don’t know but either way, I’ll be writing about the good and the bad now. 

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