Constant Struggles

Ive been single now for four months. Had ups and downs. But I want to think I am doing ok and better. 

Then days like today come. My roommate has moved out a few weeks ago. She slowly was home less and less. Now its official. 

Alone in a 4 bedroom house. Ive pretty much stayed in my room to do everything. Eat, watch tv, homework, etc. 

I have a 55″ tv in the living room with nice surround sound system that I haven’t used in months. 

There’s something about sitting alone in the living room that feels more alone. Maybe its the big open space. It just feels empty. Im feeling empty. I have to have music playing loudly just to feel ok???

In my room I guess I have a sense of security? Its smaller so I feel safer? 

Am I hiding? 

I have hardly any friends anymore. None that will come visit me. 

I have so much good going and at the same time I feel so lost and alone. 

I don’t know how else to describe it. 

I hate this feeling! 

Why won’t it stop? Why won’t it go away? What am I trying to fill? What void is missing? 

I feel like there is a part of me that is forever lost. 

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4 responses to “Constant Struggles

  1. I’m doing just about the same things as you. Living in my bedroom in quiet in my bed. I just have my laptop. I have a TV in my room, but rarely put it on. I sometimes try to go outside, just to return to the house again shortly after. I lost my friends. I know stepping out of my nook much more and exploring would do me a lot of good, but I don’t do it. Honestly, it’s hard for me to explain or understand, too.

    Liked by 1 person

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